Limerickal Assassins

You know how you’re just driving along listening to the radio and all of a sudden a song comes on that’s like nails down a chalkboard that’s been stapled to Rosie O’Donnell’s ass? (graphic, I know). I have here a short list of songs I’m done with:

· Any song dealing with Route 66. You can sing it raspy, soft, rock & rolly or bluegrass but ain’t nothing going to make that song not suck. Oh I’m sure when it first came out in 1946 it was akin to “the hard stuff” as far as music went, it was in fact the cocaine of music even. Since then it’s been bastardized in so many ways that it walks with a limp and is asking 6 different other songs for child support. Stop with this song, it’s been done.

· Any song that literally counts. I mean really? You can’t think of any more clever lyrics than 1, 2, 3 look at me. 4, 5, 6 get your kicks, 7, 8, 9 STOP IT! Whenever I hear those mind numbing lyrics I hear 1, 2, 3 I can’t rhyme 4, 5, 6 would you like fries with that? If you have to rely on numbers to rhyme with in your songs, you’re not an artist – you’re an accountant.

· Songs that have lyrics that don’t contain actual words. There’s a song out right now that I believe is called “Just Dance” (how original). The chorus goes something like this “… just dance, da-da do-do, just dance…” Really? What’s worse, no one cares what they dance to anyway so people are just singing and dancing away to this crap. I’m probably just jealous that I can’t let go of actually paying attention to these things and just… ummm… dance. Ooooh I’m an artist!

Other music related items that should be paid attention to and/or fixed:

· Any DJ that plays dance or R&B music that wears a turtleneck should be stopped immediately. You have no business playing, buying or listening to rap or R&B music if you wear turtlenecks nor do you have any business thinking you’re cool.

· Live bands playing WAY too loud. I was recently at Waldo’s here in Washington attending a charity event night. There were 3 bands playing, they were all too loud. They didn’t sound good to begin with and they didn’t sound any better at 150 decibels. Here’s another tip – enunciate. Most people have no idea what you’re saying. Also if you’re at a place called Waldo’s, don’t keep saying over and over again “where’s Waldo’s”, it’s not clever or funny no matter how drunk the crowd (except for the stupid blonde with the camera who is probably your girlfriend).
Did I miss anything?