No Swears Superbowls SUCE!!!

February 4, 2008

I think this is the first weekend since I moved to Portland where I was booked solid the whole time. I also discovered this is both a good and a bad thing, let me explain.

We all have these friends, these creative friends who do things like play in an Indy-punk-Sitar bands, or write Haikus for slam poetry, or in my case – Indy film makers and actors who direct or act in weird crap. This Friday night Jay and I went down to Salem to see a friend's movie. Or at least I thought it was his movie, he was actually just an actor in it as it turns out. Thank God! I refuse to tell you the name of the movie as I don't want to deal with too many repercussions from this, but lets just call this movie "Arm-Tearing Hillbilly Zombies from Outer Space" and go with the fact that the name should have tipped me off (no this was not the name, but it was close).

I went into the movie knowing full well it was supposed to be stupid, as my friend who acted in the movie warned me several times. I'm not going to spend too much time ripping into the movie, I will however say this – it was easily twice as long as it should have been. The movie was 2 hours long but it felt as though I was going to come out of the theater and my clothes would no longer be in style. Jay encompassed everything I was thinking in one sentence: "You know, the movie felt like it was so long that during the middle, I started to miss my family." God I wish I would have thought of that line!

It didn't help matters when at the end of the movie, instead of "sucking" in the title, they misspelled it as "sucing". It was somehow fitting, the movie suced.

Saturday was the Oregon Seafood and Wine festival. Good wine, virtually no food. It was pathetic what kind of meals and portions the vendors were serving up. No wonder I was sauced half the time.

Sunday of course was the Superbowl. Matt, Matt, Matt, my dear friend Matt. He has Superbowl at his house every year because he has a nice entertaining space, a big TV, and is relatively centrally located to all of his friends. Matt has a diverse array of friends, some with spouses, some single, recent divorcee's, some with kids, etc. Most all of his friends have one thing in common – we know that Matt's house on Superbowl Sunday is no place for children. Notice I said "most". There was one poor 6-year old kid there. I assure you this kid did nothing wrong (although with nothing to do, I'm sure he was wondering what it was he had done wrong) and was actually relatively quiet and well behaved the whole time. That being said, there were NO other kids there, there was A LOT of alcohol, and there would have been A LOT of swearing had his mother not yelled at us each time we swore. Lady, it's the Superbowl at someone else's house. Needless to say, I was not the only person there who was appalled.

We did a pretty good job of toning down the swears, but it just doesn't feel the same yelling at the flocculating referee who is as blind as a fudging cumquat. That's right eggplant I'm talking to you, you doorknob! Tomato chugging fig lover. See what I mean? It was slightly less than fulfilling.

Anyhoo, I had a great weekend despite losing half of my life to a mind-numbing Indy film and attending my first No-Swear-Superbowl. I'm just happy I have the friends to spend a lot of my flocking time with.